basically im in nice france right now and have had the weirdest two nights of my entire life..
LET ME RECAP
Thursday: amanda sasha and i went to the drunken ship and immediately i was hit on by this study abroad dude who was really creepy looking... seriously why do all the creeps flock to me?? he asks me my name and then starts rapid firing questions at me at a million words per minute "do you play music? what kind of instrument do you play? whats your major? what year are you? how old are you?" im like dude, stop, slow down, breath. when i told him i was an art history major he went off the wall about architecture and then asked me if i liked roofs. "like roofies"-no he was legit talking about roofs. he asked me if i liked mansard style roofs... seriously. if you want to pick me up please use the generic, are you from tennessee? line. when i told him that i played piano he started to sing oasis to me. im just standing there with this weird ass look on my face, obvs he doesnt get the hint. he starts going on and on about pennsylvania and finally i just walk away.
we met up with these italian guys who linked arms with us and started skipping and singing showtunes. i was sober---- loved watching all this shit go down.
Friday: we woke up early and headed to the airport for Nice, France. While in the airport security line, some black guy's luggage popped open and his apple started to run away. obviously i ran after it and scooped it up for him after laughing my face offf. all the security people thought i was a terrorist or something. not only did i give the apple back to him, i wiped it on my leggings in a seductive way without thinking about it and everyone in line was laughing at me...not with me.
oh it gets better: we forgot to get our tram tickets stamped, so when the tram police invaded, they pulled me off and tried to give me a fine. i denied that i had money but paid anyway for fear that i would be ttaken to french jail... then the police asked us where they we were going later and told us they would buy us a drink at the bar.i was like " uhh you better fucking buy me a drink you dickhead"... you just cost me30 euro.. fuckhole.
we went to this bar called waynes and the bad luck kept happening, chelsea face planted, busted her knee and broke her heels. however there was this really awesome band which made up for our shitty luck.
we then headed to this bar called the three devils and it was the most uncomfortable place ive ever been in. we walked in to this light vortex and there were DUDES everywhere. there were only like 10 women in the entire place. it was awkward. and to add to it, thhere was porn being played on the tv screen. we made a fast exit.
outside the bar was this guy wearing an all white outfit, shirt, shorts, and a blonde wig. he also had fake balls hanging out of his pants like in jackass. he was also puking outside the bar... hilarious shit.
doesnt stop there. we get on the tram and there is this asshole yelling motherfucker on the tram. every other word was motherfucker in a french accent.. scared for our lives.
oh wait.. whhen we got off the tram, we called the cab company and they hung up on us five times because we couldnt speak french... finally i get on the phone, talk to them and try to get a cab... finally picked up the shuttle.
HATED LIFE.
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