roofs, testes, barf and nice

basically im in nice france right now and have had the weirdest two nights of my entire life..
LET ME RECAP
Thursday: amanda sasha and i went to the drunken ship and immediately i was hit on by this study abroad dude who was really creepy looking... seriously why do all the creeps flock to me?? he asks me my name and then starts rapid firing questions at me at a million words per minute "do you play music? what kind of instrument do you play? whats your major? what year are you? how old are you?" im like dude, stop, slow down, breath. when i told him i was an art history major he went off the wall about architecture and then asked me if i liked roofs. "like roofies"-no he was legit talking about roofs. he asked me if i liked mansard style roofs... seriously. if you want to pick me up please use the generic, are you from tennessee? line. when i told him that i played piano he started to sing oasis to me. im just standing there with this weird ass look on my face, obvs he doesnt get the hint. he starts going on and on about pennsylvania and finally i just walk away.
we met up with these italian guys who linked arms with us and started skipping and singing showtunes. i was sober---- loved watching all this shit go down.

Friday: we woke up early and headed to the airport for Nice, France. While in the airport security line, some black guy's luggage popped open and his apple started to run away. obviously i ran after it and scooped it up for him after laughing my face offf. all the security people thought i was a terrorist or something. not only did i give the apple back to him, i wiped it on my leggings in a seductive way without thinking about it and everyone in line was laughing at me...not with me.
oh it gets better: we forgot to get our tram tickets stamped, so when the tram police invaded, they pulled me off and tried to give me a fine. i denied that i had money but paid anyway for fear that i would be ttaken to french jail... then the police asked us where they we were going later and told us they would buy us a drink at the bar.i was like " uhh you better fucking buy me a drink you dickhead"... you just cost me30 euro.. fuckhole.
we went to this bar called waynes and the bad luck kept happening, chelsea face planted, busted her knee and broke her heels. however there was this really awesome band which made up for our shitty luck.
we then headed to this bar called the three devils and it was the most uncomfortable place ive ever been in. we walked in to this light vortex and there were DUDES everywhere. there were only like 10 women in the entire place. it was awkward. and to add to it, thhere was porn being played on the tv screen. we made a fast exit.
outside the bar was this guy wearing an all white outfit, shirt, shorts, and a blonde wig. he also had fake balls hanging out of his pants like in jackass. he was also puking outside the bar... hilarious shit.
doesnt stop there. we get on the tram and there is this asshole yelling motherfucker on the tram. every other word was motherfucker in a french accent.. scared for our lives.
oh wait.. whhen we got off the tram, we called the cab company  and they hung up on us five times because we couldnt speak french... finally i get on the phone, talk to them and try to get a cab... finally picked up the shuttle.
HATED LIFE.

ethiopia loses per usual, birthday surprises and vomit

monday night, kim and i were team ethiopia so we wore all black and then some red. yeah we're racists, so what!! of course we lose in the first round... maybe it was because we were buzzing off the liter of wine we ordered with our phenomenal dinner that consisted of deep fried meatballs in a parmesean crust, caprese salad, a ragout sauce on top of some pasta with a funny name, i cant remember shit anymore. well after our meal, and partial food coma, and vino, we headed to the boys house for the pong tournament and like i said we lost first round. we suck. im so not college.afterwards i went towards the vatican to 46 to study italiano.
yesterday at class i wanted to shoot myself. i had on this humongous sweatshirt that didnt even fit me, i hadnt brushed my teeth so i was skeeving myself out and i was wearing clothes from the day before. i was the definition of RANK, FOUL, STANK etc.etc.etc. when in roma... in italian class our teacher asked how we were and i asked her "come se dice i want to throw up" she started laughing as did the rest of the class. everyone was commenting how disgusting i look and how many bags i had under my eyes. oh well. thank god im not trying to impress anyone in my program.. haahaaha
last night we went to dinner, had a spinaci e ricotta lasagne and then amanda and i made our way up to 46 for ryan's surprise party. dickhead all day wouldnt let me take him out to dinner or study with me to get him out of the house. so the party waited at this bar next to the apartment and bombarded him. he was pisssseddd because he had to study. he got over it. the entire party was bumpin, we met kids on other study abroad programs and everyone had a great time.
it was time for the cake and as he cut into the cake, there was a smirnoff ice right in the center of it... you got iced bitch. it was the best icing ive ever seen.
didnt go to class today. felt like shit and almost vomed this morning. wow i talk about throwing up a lot in this blog... who am i? daniel tosh.
meh
i miss american tv.
ciao

people watching to pass the time

this morning i decided to plop myself down in the middle of the piazza navona to people watch and BOY was it a sight. i honestly have never seeen so many asian people in my life. theyre everywhere... they invade and then they swarm. and then they think that you are italian and ask to take pictures with you or of you.... wellll thats kind of weird. when i was in venice, every single person was asian... it was fucking weird. if i wanted to study abroad with a ton of asians i would have gone to china, but they eat dog there so nevermind...
last night made me fucking hate italy. it was pouring rain and we had to go buy groceries to go cook at the boys house. amanda and sasha were told vaffanculo and were physically shoved out of a store for asking for directions. some old man yelled at us in the grocery store because our gatorade was touching his hand, and then the woman who was bagging was being mean about giving us another bag.... and my umbrella kept popping inside out and my coat smelled like wet dog again and i hated my fucking life.
tonight will be fun. beer pong tournament at the boys house ... kim and i are on team ethiopia! hollla!!

i smell like alcohol in other news.

thursday night we  cooked a family dinner with amanda and sasha at their apartment... we had farfalle with olive oil, chicken parm-ish and insalata. it was amazing. my shirt ripped open by accident and kim had to sew it back up- i wasnt about to walk around one of the most religious cities with my boobs hanging out of my shirt. TRASHY. we went to the merrimack boys house to pregame per usual and decided to go to campo di fiore with ryan... the drunken ship is awesome. we met everyone out and i ended up meeting some kid who is in greek life at pitt. small world. we ended up following these italian people and went to la maison- some club. haha it was disco night the day we went so the music was like "stayin alive" and "its raining men" it wasnt good dance music but eh. totally got lost when i was coming home and found myself staring at the vatican- it was gorgeous.
friday we didnt have class but ended up going to school anyway to hand in some paper. decided it would be a good idea to try to find my way to amanda and sashas.. i got totally lost for over an hour and eventuallly found it. and like an idiot i forgot my map.
yesterday we went to tivoli gardens-it was one of the prettiest places i have ever seen in my life. getting there was retarded. we had to take a metrotrain to another train station and then to another one and got lost trying to find the gate and missed the train and then had no money to pay for ANYTHING. hahahah couldnt find a bancomat to get money out. bleh. finally get to tivoli and the first thing we do it buy two bottles of wine, kebabs and eat and drink on some random steps. spill red spumante alll over my pants, shoes everything. im laughing so hard with wine in my mouth that i try so hard not to spit it out.
went to villa d'este and had the most amazing time. split another bottle of wine there, saw the waterfalls and fountains and then escorted out of the place when it was closing... we caught the sunset at some childrens park overlooking all of tivoli- it was one of my favorite things i have done here.

for now a nap im dying and smell like alcohol AFTER i took a shower. riddle me that.

slit your wrist day, andy dick and some spitting

monday- valentines day. ohh nooo. obviously didnt have one sooo we decided to drink our faces off. amanda sasha and i \went to the merrimack guys house and had an i hate valentines day drink off and then decided to go to this club called shari vari playhouse. per usual we didnt leave until 12 am to go to the club and everyone in my program was there. bobby and i are talking and he nudges me and asks if i know who andy dick is.. me: yeah you mean like that lame show on mtv the andy dick show? bobby: yeah hes standing right there.  i look up and yepp there is andy dick on the balcony chillin and drinking a mixed drink with this biddie... well his hairflow is golden- and its super long, but he is super scary and looks the exact same as he does on tv... weird huh? every single italian guy and study abroad guy in that club was goodlooking i didnt want to leave. granted half of them were definitely 18- drinking age doesnt exist in italia. bahah.
tuesday: had class, went grocery shopping, bought some nutella, bread, eggs and yogurt, and of course pasta. duh.
last night was the welcome drink at school and because i am ainsley ashton i fucking missed it. whatever, i had other things to do,,, not. amanda sasha and i went to the vatican area and we went to check out ryans apartment-it was huge. there were two bathrooms, three bedrooms and a balcony. a HUGE balcony. we played white elephant- i fucking dominate that game and we also played kings. i suck. seriously suck at it. i dont know what is wrong with me- i guess i dont pay attention because i am always drinking. king of the ship rule was played last night and i never rowed once- always drinking for that. never ask me to play that stupid game. we went to scholars an irish pub down by school- for thsoe of you that go to pitt, its like pcaf... drinking karaoke dancing the usual. we stayed until 230 and headed home
wednesday: had class today- felt like shit. honestly thought i was going to vom all throughout class. had waves - you know what i mean. had to run home with kim after class in the pouring rain, smelled like wet dog, gagged off of my smell and then vomed in my apartment. VIA FRANGIPANE you have officially been christened.
had to rally because we had cooking class tonight. we walked to some italian man's apartment and learned how to cook chocolate mousse, rigatoni carbonara and grilled vegetables. i took it upon myself to clean all of the dishes so we didnt look like asshole americans, and it wasnt until i left that i realized that the guy had a dishwasher. seriously the dishes took forever- kill me.
we walked to the vatican to ryan;s apartment so i could pick up something that i left there the night before. the walk from campo di fiore wasnt bad, but the roomates told us we could take a bus back... as we were walking to the bus, some old man yelled at us and then decided to spit on kim. the shit people do here is legit ridiculous. i have never been catcalled so much in my entire life. i get "woowoo, mama, princess, blondie, barbie, hottie, mmmm, ciao" etc. but spitting on someone? weird
we get to the bus, wait ten minutes for it, get on what we think is the right bus and it obviously wasnt. it took us honestly 10 feet and dropped us off at some bus depot. we had to walk 25-30 minutes home. hellooo tight ass. had to stop and get gelato because i burned all those cals from dinner off. had the worst time ordering and every single time the old man laughs at me because im an american. wtf. cool. having the best time here though. im still in the honeymoon phase and i have a feeling soon im going to get homesick, but everything is ok right now. oi oi oi .. ok well im probably not going out tonight, im super tired, tired of voming and falling asleep writing this. hahahahah

ciao
ainsley

roma ro ma ma ga ga oohh la laaa

finally made it to rome. we left the hotel on saturday right after i had posted about amanda kicking someone's dog....

we all got our own row in the giotto bus and i was the bitch who took the entire back seats.. so basically i spread out over 5 seats while everyone else was bitching and complaining that I was the one to take the back. suck it. you snooze you lose. we stopped at a rest stop along the way but the line for the panino was wayyy to long.. so i used my resources, bought a baguette and some salami and made my own homemade sandwiches haha.

we finally arrived in roma and honestly kim and i were the last ones on our bus to get a taxi to our apartment. and it wasnt even worth the wait. the taxi driver didnt speak a lick of english so we couldnt communicate where the hell we were going. he honestly drove around the colosseum for 10 minutes because he couldnt find our street. then he dropped us off in a shady back alley and pointed us in the wrong direction and then demanded 5 extra euros for getting our bags out. what a dick...

it doesnt end there. i cant even roll my bags down the street to my apartment because the wheels kept getting stuck on the cobblestones and my 80 lb bag would NOT roll down the street. we finally see the entrance to our apartment but there were no landlords in sight. romolo who works in the restaurant next door was talking to us and told us that he had no idea where the landlord was or who they even were. we were standing outside sweating from manhandling our bags and laughing our asses off out of worry. AND it was getting dark and we had no idea where the hell we were. finally our landladies roll up on their vespas and inform us that we would be making the journey to the third floor... uhm yeah . not happening. there wasnt even an elevator/lift and kim and i had about 100 lbs each in luggage. romolo was a saint. he carried our bags up all three flights. love him.

we enter into the apartment and we feel like we are on an african safari. our apartment is rustic, you can see the wood beams from the roof and there is orange and yellow accents and a rhino mural on the wall. but we love it. its the perfect size for us.
we were so beat from moving in that kim and i decided to eat dinner at the restaurant below the apt and have romolo be our waiter. we ordered a million things like a cheese plate, bruschetta, carbonara pasta. we shooted the shit for 2 hours and ate and drank a liter of wine between the two of us. amanda and sasha came and they drank with us and we had mojitos and ate dessert. these italian/portugese guys who were friends with romolo offered us some dunkin donuts and we combined our tables together and hung out with them for another two hours. it was fun.

yesterday we had orientation and a walking tour of rome. nothing special. amanda and i explored, went to her apartment and then met up at the boys apartment at 8. they cooked us an amazing dinner. we brought six bottles of wine which we happily drank and got saucey. we played drinking games and had a fun time with each other. i even cleaned up all of the dishes from dinner- everyone was appreciative..

today i had class- our professor of the italian mafia class realizes that our "priorities while studying abroad are sex drugs and rocknroll" so he let us out early today. hes the man.

tonight- shari vari club for an i hate valentines day celebration.

ill keep you posted

quote of the day:

non comportarti da baggiano

ciao

ainsley

la vita bella

btw : saw the trevi yesterday- beautiful

you kicked my dog... in other news.

basically amanda and i decided to walk to the duomo yesterday and climb to the tippy top. on the way there, we passed by the cutest puppy ever. i said to amanda- hey look how cute that dog is, and she spun around, said what dog and kicked it. ha hahahah ah shes a dog kicker.
the top of the duomo was an amazing view- but the walk up was horrible. it didnt even cross our minds that we would have to walk up 400 stairs to get to the top. ive been eating like a wild cinguali or however you spell it (wild boar)... seriously i am surprised i havent gained two hundred pounds.... i eat so much pizza pasta and panini... once we climbed to the top of the duomo- it was the most amazing view. we could see all of florence. what a great way to end the trip.
last night we went to dinner at this place called dante's which was right next to school. if you make a reservation they give you free house wine bottles. we had 5 bottles waiting for us, 4 bottles of water and four flatbreads free of charge. i had tagliatelli with porcini mushrooms and truffle oil cream sauce. and oh wait, heres the best part- they didnt charge me for it so basically i paid 3 euro for my dinner and three glasses of wine. HOLLA.

we're about to go to rome in a half hour. i have no idea how i am going to lug my 80 pound bag up three flights of stairs to my mansard roof apartment. once i get there ill let you know how it goes.

ciao-
ainsley

astor. fights. siena.

tuesday night noam dj.ed at club astor. the music he played was legit. everyone in my program went out to support him. the night was young and so were we. however, i had a bad feeling as to what was going to happen that night. kim and i drank boxed wine before we went out *way better than franzia... uhm ten times better and it was only 1.09 euro- crazy huh? there are no open container laws in europe so we took our boxed wine to go and drank it on the way to the club. classey eh?
everyone was having a good time- music was bumpin, everyone was having a great time until some PSYCHO girl on another program decided to be a total asshole. she pushed my friend tyler and then shoved me for NO reason. she got in my face and asked if i wanted to go bitch. uhm, go where? yes ill go get gelato with you. no i do not want to fight you. i walked away. jesus that would have been two fights this month. i am NOT a fighter... it was unreal. i decided to leave the club. whatever. she ruined my night.

yesterday we went to siena, a town an hour and a half outside of florence. it was like a village for midgits. everything was really small, the roads were like san franciscos- really steep- and there wasnt much to do there.
we went inside this church that is dedicated to Saint Catherine... thought it was going to be a normal church but nah. they had her skull on display covered by a facial mask to give us the impression that her head was displayed for everyone. it was her real skull. to add to that, they had her legit thumb in a display case. WTF is wrong with italians. thats foul. it was all shriveled up like a prune and was tiny because it is a million years old. gross.

anyway- going out tonight. more stories to come.
ciao fuckahs.

a rat in a maze: venizia and wine tasting

thursday night after i wrote to you, amanda and i thought it would be an amazing idea to go out to the bars after our test... uhm lets just say that i felt a little under the weather when i was packing for venice the next morning. i get back from the bar at 3 am- try to talk to kim (who is still awake) and apparently i was whispering in our room hunched over saying "psst, i know you can hear me. stop ignoring me psst" hhahaha. kim called me a crackhead and we went to bed. i actually packed for venice that night - after i got home so when i arrived i had no idea what the hell i packed. the bus ride was terrible- i mean it was only three hours, but i had to sit with alex wilson and he had his mouth open doing head rolls/nods the entire time... jk love you alex.

we get on a boat to get to venice- duhhh there are no cars or mopeds or anything on the island. everyone walks everywhere...hmm maybe that is why all italians are in shape! unlike amurrica! we stayed at this hotel called Hotel Messner.- the walls were carpeted and matched the bedspread while the rug fit the color scheme but totally ruined the flow of the room. of course the bathroom had a bidet. hahaha... we went on a tour that afternoon- uhm venice is amazing. ive never seen a city soo beautiful. it has over 350 bridges- and every single road is a back alley- which gets kinda sketch at night but whatever. also, there arent any gypsies that wiill fuck with you but, there was this woman (or i thought it was a woman) who was begging for money outside the hotel, until i saw her face and realized it was a man wearing a dress. eh i guess crossdressing isnt that unusual in venice because there was a whole shop dedicated to it...

kim, amanda, sasha and i decided to take the night off of party party party and go out to a nice dinner. we ordered a shrimp pasta dish- the food keeps getting better everyday. also, there arent many clubs in venice/ there are NO clubs or any nightlife. the population is middle aged or retired, but nonetheless we still had a great time being grown ups and going to dinner ( or at least trying to )

like always, kim and i slept through the tour on saturday morning. WE MISS EVERYTHING. i woke up with a sore throat, felt like someone had punched me in the throat. once i woke up, i left kim to fend for herself and went to explore the city with amanda. we made it our mission to buy masks. its that time of year again for carnevale (a huge carnival where everyone dresses up in costume and masks.) we both bought masks with feathers- only 10 euro and they were certified venetian.

kim finally decides to meet up with us- and i get this frantic phone call from her. albanians (who live in italy) as well as italians are notorious for being the BIGGEST creeps in the entire world. some creepy 45 year old man had just sat down beside kim and decided to grill her and ask her all of these personal questions like: where are you from, are you studying here, do you have  a boyfriend? WTF. she said yes hes meeting up with us now (total lie) and ran away and tried to find us hahaha.

BY THE WAY: to add to the creepiness... jodine went out to the piccolo club the night before- probably the sketchiest nightclub i have ever seen, and the only one in venice. it was in a dark back alley... anyway, apparently she was dancing with some italian in the club, he spins her around and decides to lick her face.... uhmm thank god i decided to go out to dinner with my girls that night.

saturday i decided to take a shower and blowdry my hair and guess what happened AGAIN: yeah you guessed. i got my hair stuck in the dryer AGAIN and had to cut it out AGAIN. wtf is wrong with me?? at this rate, my hair is going to look like raggedy ann, or i wont have any left. i need to be more careful.

sunday we came back by bus, farted around because we were super tired and had to wake up early for class the next day. however, after class yesterday, our program took those who signed up to this castle called vicchiomaggio for a wine tasting. we learned about different wine, tasted four different kinds as well as a liquer (sp?) to eat with the biscotti they gave us. drew and chris both got shafted of wine a million different times and were pissed hahah but the food, wine, and biscotti were delicious- kim and i had a nice little buzz and decided to take a million pictures outside this castle. my life in europe is so hard: i get to go to classs until 130 everyday and then go to chianti in the countryside to a castle for wine tasting.

however, i do miss all of you for sure... but the nightlife is way better than at home. tonight my jew-homie Noam is dj'ing at an awesome nightclub/bar in florence. were all going to support him. if i hear black and yellow one more time though, i might scream! holla! 

quote of the day:

rompere le palle/ i coglioni

ciao
ainsley
la vita bella
keep reading.... 

palazza vecchio, pisa and gypsys

to kill time yesterday Sasha and i thought it would be fun to go to Ponte Vecchio and Palazza Vecchio before we had to go to our retarded academic meeting. Ponte Vecchio: basically meaning old bridge, is one of the oldest bridges in italian history. There are a million jewelry shops along it and if you walk further, you hit restaurants with killer deals like a salad and pizza for 5 euro. We walk by the bridge every single day on the way to scuola- no big deal. The views from the bridge are amazing, you can see all of florence from one direction and then the alps in the other direction. You really have no idea how amazing it is to see all of the art that ive been learning about my entire college career.

we made our way to Palazza Vecchio: an old medieval fortress that once housed the Medici family, one of the most powerful families in italian history. What is cool is that you can see the tower of the fortress wherever you go. back in the old days, every citta (city) tried to be dominant and superior to others. depending on how high your tower was, that was how much power you had over the other cities. its fucking ridiculous that amanda greg ryan and i got lost in the rain trying to find club 21- its right next to the tower. we are such retards, wtf. anyway sasha and i went to see it. it was HUGE. totally amazing. however i was so distracted by all of the asian tour groups that were passing through.... i always taking pictures of asians taking pictures of things. hahahaha. theyre just ridiculous.

today we had an exam in italian- aced it. holla! we took a bus to pisa. seriously it is the most rank city i have ever seen. dirtiest place- never want to go back. gypsys everywhere, couldnt go up the tower, and everyone is taking the stereotypical leaning picture hhaha. well i mean i guess i took one too. or two or three or four. bleeeh hahah. fucking gypsys man. theyre crazy. i stuck my bag under my coat and i pretended to be pregnant for 3 hours. it was hilarious. but for now we're packing for venice. we leave tomorrow morning at 8 sharp. i havent gotten ANY sleep since ive been here. my body hates me. i do head nods all the time in italian class and my body is so tired that it twitches randomly throughout the day like a tourettes child.

no time for sleep.. party party party all dee time.

quote of the day:
dimmi come te lo piace


ciao- a domani
ainsley
la vita bella

suck it costanza

my italian language professor asked me to pull things out of my bag to show her so we could identify objects. i totally forgot that my dirty italian book was in there. she saw it and in her funny accent says "oooh dirty italian lemme see" i warned her that she wasnt going to be very happy. she flips to the dirtiest page in the entire book and goes..."suckah my cock".. uhm then my face went all red and everyone was laughing at me. she probably thinks i am the biggest whore on the planet. hahahahahaha WHOOPS.

just had a plate of spaghetti pomodoro (red sauce) at this hole in the wall place for 4.90 euro.. thats whats up.

Astor bar, twice nightclub and maybe others tonight. message me on the book for my italian cell number.

ciao
ainsley